Kaonashi Ga Suki

When we’re young, our parents teach us that if we offend someone or hurt their feelings, we’re supposed to apologize. In return that person is supposed to forgive us and forget the matter. Everything becomes hunky dory.

Or does it?

Recently I became embroiled in a situation with someone in my family. Although I’ve had many, many altercations with this person in the past, this time she wasn’t really mad at me per se, but I am indirectly involved in the situation. Yesterday when I spoke with another family member about this person, he brought up a number of situations I’ve been guilty of in the past, situations in which I had hurt her feelings. He even brought up an incident that happened when I was only 13! I got upset because I had apologized for these things years ago, and couldn’t believe that it was still being brought up.

Which comes to my question: Is it truly possible to forgive and forget someone? On a small scale, I don’t see why not. If I accidentally spill juice on my brother’s shirt and apologize, I’m sure he’d get over it. On the other hand, if the situation were on an extreme scale, I don’t think any apology would ever be good enough. I would never forgive my boyfriend if he ever cheated on me.

But where is the line drawn? When does it become ridiculous for someone to still hold a grudge?

I try not to be petty about silly little things, but I do admit that to this day, I’m irritated at an old school friend for not making me one of her bridesmaids when she got married a few years ago. I had considered us to be very good, close friends and had her in mind to be my bridesmaid someday. But when she chose other friends who she had known for a shorter time, I was insulted. The thing wasn’t really that I wanted so badly to be her bridesmaid; it’s that I felt offended that she didn’t think I was a good enough friend to be a bridesmaid. Of course I didn’t break off our friendship over such a silly thing and I still keep in touch with her, but at the same time I’ve crossed her off my bridesmaid list.

Going back to my question- do people really ever get over things and let bygones by bygones? Or do the incidents sit in their memories and fester, waiting to explode the next time they get in a fight? I’d like to think that people truly do forgive and forget, but what ends up happening most of the time is that they never, ever forget. No way, no how. In reality, I think that many people (like this family member of mine) will just keep it in the back of their skulls, and when you fight again, they bring it out as ammo. I swear, I could be 50 years old, and this family member of mine will be upset at me for things I’ve done to her (and apologized for) when I was 10.

What do you guys think? Can people truly forgive and forget? Or is it more a case of forgive and retain those bad feelings?

forgive, forget, family, argument, relationship, wedding, bridesmaid, grudge, bygones