Kaonashi Ga Suki

I haven’t written about my experiences in Japan for a long time, so I’ve decided to write one now.

As I’ve mentioned before, I taught English Conversation in Japan for a year and a half. Technically, it wasn’t at a school but a company, and our classrooms were on the 5th and 6th floors of a building near the train station. A year later we expanded to the 8th floor.

I had been working there for a couple of months when my male co-workers (a Canadian and Australian) shared with me a strange story that occured a week before I arrived at the company.

It was a typical Friday night, and classes just ended. The students had already left. and the teachers and management were just cleaning up- putting books away, rearranging desks, etc. One of the female teachers went up to the 6th floor to lock the classroom doors.

She walked towards the smallest classroom when she screamed, and ran back down the 5th floor.

“There’s an old man upstairs!”

“Is it one of the students?” asked another teacher.

“I don’t think so. His pants are down!”

Figuring that the old man was just a harmless pervert, the two male teachers went to investigate while the manager called the police.

Sure enough, in one of the classrooms, was a disheveled, dirty-looking old man. He was sitting in one of the teachers’ swivel chairs with a serene look on his face. He was singing softly to himself.

The man’s pants were down to his ankles.

He had taken a massive dump on the chair.

Some of it landed on the carpet.

The smell in that tiny room was unbelievable.

“Um…are you ok?” asked one of the teachers in Japanese.

“Oh, yes. I’m fine,” smiled the old man.

The police finally arrived and whisked the old man away.

Obviously, he was a homeless person, and because the 6th floor is accessible from the elevator, the old man was able to get inside the classroom before the teachers had the chance to lock it. It’s likely that he wanted a warm place to sleep for the night, though it’s unknown why the hell he shit on the chair. Maybe he was just a few cards short of a full deck.

Needless to say, the classroom had to be cleaned and sanitized. The carpet was washed and the room was sprayed with room freshener. I presume that the classroom wasn’t used for several days.

“So what happened to the chair? I presume you threw it away?” I asked.

“Well, Kaori (our manager) had it cleaned too. She didn’t want to waste a good chair, ya know,” said one of the male teachers.

“In fact, you’re sitting on it right now.”

BOOM.

I leaped about five feet in the air.

“WHAT?!?!?!?!”

“You can’t tell, can you?” one of them said.

“Yeah. They really did a good job in cleaning it,” the other one remarked.

“YOU GUYS CAN’T BE FUCKING SERIOUS!!!!!”

They were laughing hysterically at this point.

“Nah, we’re just kidding. We threw it away.”

“ARE YOU SURE? OR ARE YOU GUYS STILL FUCKING WITH ME??”

Still laughing, they brought me to the center classroom, where a back door led to a small balcony.

At the very end of the balcony was the chair, still wrapped in plastic.

“Eeeeeeewwwww,” I said.

“Now, aren’t you glad you didn’t start work a week earlier?” they asked.

Japan, poop, homeless guy, teacher, school, funny story