How Open-Minded is Open-Minded?
Published by Toni January 23rd, 2006 in Uncategorized.My boyfriend still keeps in close touch with one of his host families from Japan. I met them when I was living there, and they’re great people.
This family has an interesting skeleton in their closet. A few years ago, my bf’s host brother married a lovely girl, and the couple have been happy ever since. However, not too many people talk about their relationship because well you see, this man and woman are second cousins.
EEEEWWWW!!!
Yes, that’s pretty much the first thing that popped in my mind as well when I first heard about it. The parents were not too crazy about the union, but apparently they couldn’t do anything about it since the couple got married anyway.
I commented to my bf that such a relationship is wrong- it’s immoral and just plain gross. He shrugged and replied that it was no one else’s business but theirs, and as long as they love each other, that was fine. Besides, he added, how different is this from a gay marriage?
I had to stop and think about that. Can inter-family romantic relationships be classified under the same category as gay relationships?
Much like same-sex relationships, inter-family romantic relationships are extreme no-nos in many religions and cultures, with the ultimate taboo of course being relationships within one’s nuclear family. We feel ill if we hear stories of parents having sex with their children and think that an act of depravity. At the same time one must consider that, as long as the relationship is between two consenting adults and that no one is hurt in the relationship, what business do outsiders have in dictating the lives of others?
Granted, unlike same-sex relationships, unions between members of the same family may hurt someone else if that couple creates a child. It’s well documented that offspring from parents who share similar genes are born with a host of genetic defects. According to a Wikipedia article, this includes:
* reduced fertility both in litter size and in sperm viability
* increased congenital defects
* fluctuating facial asymmetry
* lower birth rate
* higher neo-natal mortality
* slower growth rate
* smaller adult size
* loss of immune system function.
When I brought up the subject of children to my bf, he replied that his host brother and his cousin/wife were aware of this and have decided not to have children.
Regardless, I think it’s given that the couple would still be having sex, and I just can’t accept this image in my head.
I have nothing against same-sex relationships. I don’t see them as being “abnormal” or “unusual” but just another type of relationship, like interracial unions. However, I have to draw the line at inter-family relationships. I just can’t accept the idea of people from the same family marrying each other and having sex. It sounds so wrong to me. Some people may think, “Well, at least second cousins are not so bad. It’s not like they share the same parents.” In my opinion however, it’s close enough, since they share the same great-grandparents.
Going along this same train of thought, if some people may think that romantic relationships between second cousins is not a problem, then how different is this from relationships with one’s sibling, even parent? After all, if the couple are two consenting adults, are in love, and decide not to have children, shouldn’t they be allowed to be together?
Yes, the idea is “icky”, “immoral”, even “abnormal”. Some people say this about gay relationships, yet same-sex unions are a lot more accepted in society than inter-family relationships.
What do you guys think? Should inter-family romantic relationships be accepted like same-sex relationships? To what extent? Is there truly a difference between the two?
9 Responses to “How Open-Minded is Open-Minded?”
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I think this is a tough one. On one hand, you think it’s not easy to find someone who is right for you; on the other hand, there has to be someone else you could be happy with. I think it’s really creepy if they’ve grown up together like brother and sister, if their family was that close. But if they didn’t, and only met later, like normal people, it seems better. Still, I think it’s quite responsible of them to not have children.
It’s just plain wrong , and deep down inside they must know it’s wrong.I know they probably think “love is all that matters” but I think they are closed minded and not thinking about the future .Being close to someone doesn’t mean your in love , what’s wrong with just being freinds ? They got caught up in the moment and now they probably think there is no turning back.
P.S.- EEEEWWWW!!!
Second cousins is not very close according to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_cousin they only have a great-grand parent in common.
The EEEWWWW!! factor tends to assume some kind of close family relationship preceding the romantic one.
but I have never met any of mine (because they are in another country).
I believe that in the UK marriage between cousins is legal but rare.
I could have told you that you were a genius from your blog alone.
I have a FIRST cousin I’d do — after a few drinks.
Whatever floats your boat.
Most people use water. But what if floating ones boat entails shitting in my sink? I don’t think I’d like that. That would probably be because its my sink. If one shit in their own sink, I wouldn’t necessarily judge them, yet it would be unlikely that I would be stopping by for dinner anytime soon. I think the important thing to remember is that everyone has their quirks, but it’s not always narrow minded to be disgusted by those quirks so long as you don’t disregard the person when those acts aren’t affecting you. So to see sibling, or gay people, or animals (or all of the above TOGETHER for that matter) in various sexual acts may be upsetting to many, it’s open minded to assume that these people are incapable of being decent folk in most other ways. It’s empty headed not to develop your own opinion about these acts, and the more fair you are able to, the better judge you are. You have a boat too, after all.
“are incapable of being decent folk in most other ways”
capable, not incapable… oops.
Where I come from, it is illegal to marry someone within your family tree. In fact, they just recently abolished a law that forbid a person to marry someone with the same last name sprouting from the same area… like for example, a Smith from NY can marry another Smith in Montana, but not another Smith from NY. If that makes any sense. But marrying within a family is something that’s been around for ages — why do you think all those Russian Princes were hemophiliacs??
aw it’s no big deal. How many genes appart do they need to be before you approve?