Kaonashi Ga Suki

Dear Pretty Boy Prick Who Was in the Ticket Line Ahead of Us,

Yes, we knew that you were stalling on purpose. We knew that you heard us talk about getting there a little late and missing part of the movie. And I’m sure you heard my boyfriend complain about the one person selling tickets when he could see someone else in the booth who should be helping us.

Yep, we thought that was really cute when, as you ever so slooooowwwwwly rummaged through your wallet to look for your credit card, you turned to us and coyly said, “Sorry”.

Oh! And when you turned around in the end to ask the slow witted ticket seller if the theater was full JUST as we were finally going to ask for tickets ourselves, only to have him ask you TWICE since he didn’t hear you the first time? Nice touch.

I hope you tripped and spilled soda all over your pretty, pretty olive gren shirt and white slacks which, by the way, are SO not in fashion anymore. They make you look like one of Ricky Martin’s boy toys.

Dear Morbidly Obese Couple Who Brought in Their Six-Year Old to see “The 40-Year-Old Virgin”,

I’d like to commend you for your parenting skills, because in bringing your child to an R-rated movie, you have aided in her education by improving her vocabulary. See, you could have left her to a babysitter or to her grandparents’ house, or even to an aunt and uncle, but no sir! You wanted to EXPAND her young mind! Broaden her horizons!

So let’s see… what new words has she learned from last night’s experience?

-cock
-pussy
-blow job
-masturbate
-poonany
-fuck buddy

And so many, many more.

Oh, and let’s not forget the visually stimulating images the movie offered. While I know that sex education should be taught to young people, isn’t six years old a bit young? Ah, I suppose the younger, the better, right? She needs to be prepared! Like a Boy Scout!

So what was her favorite scene in the movie? The one where one of the characters exposes his butt in public? Or when one of the guys was going to get a blowjob? Or maybe the scene where a girl’s bare breast popped out of her blouse?

Fun times at the movies, my friends. Fun times.