Kaonashi Ga Suki

(AUTHOR’S NOTE: I meant to publish this during the summer, but I kind of forgot. So here it is! ^_^)

Sometimes it doesn’t pay to go to the beach…

One hot July day last year, my family and I went to Huntington Beach. Since we live so far from the ocean, we don’t get to go very often, and my sister and I looked forward to swimming in the cool, crisp ocean water. The water felt nice on our skin, and we splashed around like a couple of playful seals.

My sister and I were having a righteous time when suddenly, out of the blue, a creature spawned from the foulest, murkiest depths of hell surfaced to destroy our blissful afternoon.

*cue “Jaws” theme*

Floating toward us at 5 knots was a giant, floating, log shaped piece of shit!!! It was as thick as a polish sausage and had the length of a bottle of drinking water. It was frightening. Pardon my French, but “shit” is the only word I can use to describe it. “Turd”, “poo”, or “feces” does not do it any justice. When we saw the invader headed towards us, we screamed and leaped out of the water without any hesitation.

“I sure hope that was from a dog!” I exclaimed. “Please let it be from a dog!”

My sister turned to me, eyes downcast, shaking her head, and stammered, “I-I don’t think that was from a dog.”

Safely back on shore, we waited until it floated away and moved several yards away from the contaminated territory. We tried to return to our merriment in the water, foolishly believing that we were safe from IT. But then, as we started to forget about the horror my sister saw from the corner of her eye a familiar, repulsive elongated shape bobbing towards us. She screamed, and we and moved many, many yards away until we felt certain it would no longer bother us.

We enjoyed the next 10 minutes or so in uneventful harmony. We were having so much fun that we had forgotten about our earlier, horrific discovery.

The tides were rough, and sea was angry that day, my friends. Poor, 110 pound sis was tossed back and forth in the water like so much debris. Finally, the waves mercifully threw her back on the shore and she was relieved. The sun was beating down on her forehead and she lay back half on the warm sand and half in the water, enjoying the moment.

I was standing a few feet from her, when I realized that IT had returned. With a vengeance.

“OH, SHIT!!” I exclaimed.

“Oh yeah…shit, the waves were pretty strong, huh?” my sis said, unaware that she was in imminent danger.

“Noooo…SHIT!” I yelled, pointing to the same, log sized abomination that apparently had a mind of its own.

She turned her head to the left and came face to face with it. The log was only inches away from her face! She screamed as the waves caused it to roll even closer to her. Luckily, she was able to stand up before it attacked.

We ran back to shore, vowing to never return to Huntington Beach ever again.

The log won and claimed the sea as its own.